The Day the AFGAN Tried to Take over Hyrule
by HenchCubed
Summary: Giant Alien Penguins tried to take over Hyrule. Link tried to stop them. Chapter 7 up. Director's Cut and alternate ending coming soon.
1. Title Page

The Day The Giant Alien Penguins Tried to Take Over Hyrule  
  
Please note that this story is not for those who get squeamish about graphic violence and vulgar language. I hereby claim no responsibility for lack of sleep, nightmares, or down right disgust. You have been warned.   
  
  
READ WITH YOUR OWN DISCRETION.  
THE AUTHOR CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY SIDE-AFFECTS THAT ARE CAUSED BY THE STORY.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
PLOT: GIANT ALIEN PENGUINS AND COMPANY TRY TO TAKE OVER HYRULE. THEY MEET MANY OBSTICALES IN THEIR PATH, INCLUDING OTHER INVADING FORCES AND THEIR PHSYCOPATHIC LEADER WHO MAKES AN APPEARANCE AT THE END.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING IN THIS STORY UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.  
  
NEVER FORGET:  
THE GIANT ALIEN PENGUINS WILL ONLY CONQUER OR NOT CONQUER HYRULE DEPENDING ON FEEDBACK. REVIEWING THE DTORY IS NOT ENOUGH TELL ME WHETHER YOU THINK THE GIANT ALIEN PENGUINS WILL CONQUER HYRULE OR NOT.  
  
TheHenchman 


	2. Chapter I: The Invasion Starts...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Legend of Zelda, period. I do own the story line, though. So smoke that!  
  
A/N: I wrote this on a whim. This is my second fic, and a rather crazy one, at that. It's rather stupid and has no real plot line. Hope you like it.  
  
TheHenchman  
  
  
The Day Giant Alien Penguins Tried to Take Over Hyrule  
Chapter I: The Invasion Starts  
  
  
One day, giant alien penguins landed in the Deku Tree Sprout's meadow. The craft was rather conventional, (or, at least the penguins thought so...).   
  
"TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER, YOU SMALL, PATHETIC, FOOL!!!" the penguin leader ordered.  
  
"But I can't, you mentally challenged dolt. I'm rooted to the spot," the Sprout yelled back.  
  
"THEN HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER!!!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"WE WILL DESTROY YOU!!!"  
  
"If you do, you will never reach the 'leader' you speak of."  
  
"GOOD POINT. BUT HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER THEN!!!"  
  
Just then, Saria walked into the meadow. "What the hell is going on?" she demanded. "As the Sage of the Forest, I demand you leave this forbidden forest!"  
  
"TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER!!!" the leader said again.  
  
Thinking quickly, Saria agreed. She took the penguins to the outside of Mido's house. She told them to wait outside. She went in, and told Mido to take them to the Lost Woods. (You know, if anyone other than forest folk enters the Woods, they become Stalfos. You do remember that, right?)  
  
He agrees and leads them behind his house and into the hole that looks like someone's asshole. He walks them a few feet in, and all of a sudden, they turn in to half-Stalfos, half-penguin ugly things with swords and shields.  
  
"Oh, shit..." was all Mido could scream before they sliced him in to tiny bits in true medieval France style.  
  
"Serves him right..." Saria mumbled after hearing Mido's scream.  
  
Suddenly, the penguin/Stalfos creatures burst out of the tunnel and proceed to destroy Kokiri Forest. Pieces of wood flew everywhere, little pieces of flesh and bone from the now dead Kokiri children splattering on what's left of Link's tree house. As for Link, he was sleeping until he heard the sounds of destruction coming from outside.  
  
"SHUT UP OUT THERE!!!" he yelled sleepily. The noise continued. "Good fer nothin'..." he mumbled as he got up and pulled on his equipment. "They're REALLY gonna pay for it now..." He was just about to leave his house when Saria's head came flying through his door.   
  
"Help us..." the head managed to say before it died. (Disturbing, huh? But decapitated heads are alive for a short while.)  
  
Confused, Link stuck is head out the door and saw the destruction. He shrugged and turned around, back inside. Then he realized what he just saw. It really pissed him off. He grabbed his Biggoron sword and jumped out of his house. He never stood a chance. They attacked him viciously. He managed to kill one of them, but he only had four fairy spirits with him, and they managed to kill him four times and get him down to one heart. He ran from the forest on Epona, toward Kakariko, the graveyard specifically. He pulled back the grave, jumped in and captured four more fairies, and restored his health.   
  
He headed for Hyrule castle.  
-------------------------------  
End of Chapter I  
  
Review! I might continue this. Depends on feedback. 


	3. Chapter II: Lake Hylia

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Legend of Zelda, Star Trek, or The Patriot, period. I do own the story line, though. So smoke that!  
  
A/N: This is my second fic, Chapter 2. I didn't get any reviews, :-(. But I continued anyway.  
  
TheHenchman  
  
  
The Day Giant Alien Penguins Tried to Take Over Hyrule  
Chapter II: Lake Hylia and the Giant Alien Chickens  
  
  
The giant alien penguins continued their search for what they perceived to be the supreme ruler of all. Their search brought them to Lake Hylia. They had interrogated some Peehats, and found out that "CHSACE44" claimed to be the ruler of all. He lived in the middle and bottom of the lake.  
  
Before they departed Kokiri Forest, the penguins/Stalfos creatures discarded their swords and replaced them with far more deadly weapons: stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron gloves and ass covers. ("The original 'ouch from hell(tm)' weapons of destruction!")  
  
On their way, the penguins met up with another invading force, the Giant Alien Chickens!  
  
"YOU WILL BE SUBJECTED TO CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT!!!" claimed the penguins.  
  
"AnD wHo WiLl CaRrY tHiS oUt?" the chickens asked, cynically.  
  
"JOIN US OR BE KILLED!!!"  
  
"SuRe, We'Ll JoIn YoUr QuEsT, jUsT wHaT iS iT?"  
  
"WE ARE GOING TO CONQUER THIS PATHETIC PLACE!!!"  
  
"We ArE tOo. We ShOuLd JoIn FoRcEs."  
  
"DONE."  
  
So the penguins/Stalfos and the chickens joined to create the United Federation of Giant Alien Nations. (Star Trek parody, anyone?)  
  
The UFGAN made their way to Lake Hylia. They burst through the pathetic and weak fence thing that blocks the entrance, and made loud unnecessary noise as they continued down the path to the lake.  
The professor in the Lakeside Laboratory looked outside of his house, completely startled. He barely had time to realize that giant alien penguins and chickens were charging toward him before they slapped him with their stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron gloves. His head was thrown completely off his shoulders and flew across the lake to the fishing pond/area. The owner of the pond/area was walking out of his door when the professor's head came sailing into his own head. The two decapitated heads rolled and tumbled down the slope into the water.  
  
"HA HA!!!" the penguins laughed.  
  
"Ha Ha!!!" the chickens echoed, with smugness.  
  
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE SMUG!!!" the penguins complained, loudly.  
  
"We HaVe EvErY rIgHt To Be SmUg!!!"  
  
"YOU DO NOT!!!"  
  
"YeS, wE dO!!!"  
  
"DO NOT!"  
  
"Do To!"  
  
"DO NOT!"  
  
"Do To!"  
  
"DO NOT!"  
  
HEY!!!! STOP IT!!! LET ME GET ON WITH MY STORY, DAMNIT!!!! said a sudden booming, all-powerful voice (me).  
  
"SORRY..."  
  
"YeAh, SoRrY..."  
  
DAMN STRAIGHT....  
  
Anyway, all this noise (the heads flying, the UFGAN shouting, the booming all-powerful voice...) got CHSACE44's attention.   
  
"Hey! Shut the hell up out there, bitches!" it yelled.  
  
The UFGAN turned at this noise; however, it was lost in the bubbles. (It lives on the bottom of the lake...) Their quest was over. They dived into the water, (yes, the chickens, too) and entered CHSACE44's house. The redundant insults and repeated foul language drove the UFGAN to extreme measures. They were able to learn, however, that after Ganondorf was defeated, CHSACE44 took over leadership of the Gerudos.   
  
The UFGAN got tired of CHSACE44's ignorance and cut it apart, slowly. Piece by piece. They put the head on a palette, and sent the eyes, nose, tongue in a basket and sent it upriver to the Gerudos. Soon after, the Gerudos broke their treaty with CHSACE44. Mainly because it was dead, but...you never know...  
  
  
---------------------------------  
End of Chapter II  
  
Come on! Review it! READ IT!!!  
  
Special thanks to GaryDaPlumma@aol.com for challenging my idea enough to make me come up with the "stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron" gloves and asses. 


	4. Chapter III: Gerudo Valley

WARNING!!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS LOTS OF FOUL LANGUAGE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Legend of Zelda, period. I do own the story line, though. So smoke that!  
  
A/N: This is my second fic, Chapter 3. I got some reviews, plus my friends pressured me to write more. It might not be as good because I didn't write it on a whim. But, what the hell, right?  
  
TheHenchman  
  
  
The Day The UFGAN Tried To Take Over Hyrule  
Chapter III - Gerudo Valley  
  
After happily and viciously killing CHSACE44, AND after completely destroying Lake Hylia, the UFGAN continued to Gerudo Valley. They went past the burning ruble of the Lakeside Laboratory, paused and looked at the beautiful carnage that lay before them. Pieces of blue tektite, driftwood from the bridges, the two decapitated head of the humanoid beings that once called this place their home, and were startled as they saw two scarecrows jumping toward them, yelling mean things.  
  
"LeT uS hAnDlE tHiS." The chickens said as they held back the penguins.  
  
The chickens made quick work of Pierre and Bonooru. What was left of the two music-lovin scarecrows drifted into the remaining water of the lake. The UFGAN continued back to Hyrule Field, past the mangled, bent, and broken fences to Gerudo Valley.  
  
Since Link had beaten the Spirit Temple, the carpenters had re-built the bridge to the entrance of Gerudo Fortress.   
  
"What the hell are you things?!" the boss carpenter demanded.  
  
"YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!"  
  
"Oh, that's original...dumb-ass..."  
  
"DoN't YoU dArE iNsUlT tHeM!!!"  
  
"Maybe I wouldn't if you things would answer my question properly, you ass."  
  
"WE ARE THE UNITED FEDERATION OF GIANT ALIEN NATIONS!!! WE ARE THE GIANT ALIEN PENGUINS AND THEY ARE THE GIANT ALIEN CHICKENS!!!"  
  
"Really? Hmm. Interesting. What are you doing here?"  
  
"THIS!!!"  
  
The penguins slapped the head carpenter with their stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron gloves.  
  
"What in the bloody hell did you do that for?!" asked one of the sissy-boy carpenters that run like gay little blond cheerleaders late for a manicure. (A/N: Don't ask.)  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" With that, the head penguin jumped on the one of the sissy-boy carpenters that run like gay little blond cheerleaders late for a manicure with his stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron ass cover. The sissy-boy carpenter, who runs like a gay little blond cheerleader late for a manicure, was squished instantly and killed.  
  
"WHAT THE HELLL?!" asked the other two sissy-boy carpenters that run like gay little blond cheerleaders late for a manicure and the person who is obsessed with rabbits and runs like a fag.  
  
"YOU WILL DIE!!!" the penguins and the chickens yelled together. (What? I had no choice! I couldn't combine those two different caps styles!! What?)  
  
"The hell we will..." the sissy-boy carpenters that run like gay little blond cheerleaders late for a manicure yelled back sarcastically.  
  
"Should we be fighting them?" asked the person who is obsessed with rabbits and runs like a fag.  
  
"Stay out of this!" yelled one of the carpenters.  
  
"Yeah, go screw one of your legendary rabbits, you freak!" yelled the other.  
  
"THEY DON'T EXIST!!! EVEN IF I WANTED TO, I COULDN'T!!!" sobbed the runner.  
  
That was followed by a dead silence as the two carpenters looked at the runner is disbelief. He'd never yelled like that before.  
  
More silence. Still more.  
  
"UHEM." The penguins cleared their throats. "CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, go ahead."  
  
"THANK YOU." The chickens proceeded to swing their swords and decapitate and dice up the bodies of the three people.  
  
"NICE WORK, PARTNERS."  
  
"ShUt uP. No OnE lIkEs A kIsS-uP."  
  
"FINE, WHATEVER..."  
  
They moved down the path to Gerudo Fortress after setting fire to the tent.  
  
------------------------------  
End of Chapter III  
  
I can't believe I wrote this!!! I need much more help than I thought.  
  
No new creatures today. I know I promised giant alien sheep and asparagus, but I couldn't fit it in. 


	5. Chapter IV: Lon Lon Ranch

Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to the Legend of Zelda or The Grinch. I own the story line.  
  
A/N: This is chapter 4 of my story: The Day the UFGAN Tried To Take Over Hyrule. Hope ya like it. Remember: the ending depends on feedback response.  
  
TheHenchman  
  
1 The Day the UFGAN Tried To Take Over Hyrule  
  
1.1 Chapter IV: Lon Lon Ranch and the giant alien sheep and asparagus  
  
"BURN, BABY!!! BURN!!!!" yelled the giant alien sheep as they set fire to Lon Lon Ranch. "DIE!!! AND BURN!!!" They chased the horses around and set them on fire. The putrid stench of burning flesh and wood filled that air. Cuccos and cats were flying out of the burning windows into the blaze.  
  
"SQUAWK!!!! AHHH!!!! SQUAKSQUAKSQUAKSQUAK!!!!"  
  
"REOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!! OW! OW! ME OOOOOOW!!!!!  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT!!! BURN!!! BURN!!!!" the sheep were really enjoying this. "NOW, YOU GIANT ALIEN ASPARAGUS: GO FETCH THE HUMANOIDS THAT INFEST THIS MISERABLE ESTABLISHMENT!!!" The giant alien asparagus complied and brought Malon, Talon, and Ingo to the sheep leader. "SO, YOU HAVE FAILED TO PROTECT YOUR RANCH. THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED. COME WITH ME." He said the last part to Malon and led her to the stable.  
  
After the door shut, the sounds coming from the opposite side of the door made it rather obvious about what was happening. (Interpret that how you want to.) The leader sheep came back out of the stable and said, "NOW YOU CAN BURN THE STABLE," he said to his minions. They rushed to do his biddings as he turned to Talon and Ingo. "IF YOU SO MUCH AS UTTER ONE SYLLABLE, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!"  
  
"Hello, I'm Ingo. I'm so honored to be allowed to work on this ranch." Ingo said monotonously. SLASH!!! Ingo's innards fell out of his middle and fell on the grass with a sickening SSHHPLATTT!!!  
  
"UUUGGGHHHH!!!" Talon yelled.  
  
"YOU DON'T LIKE THAT FAT BOY? HOW ABOUT THIS?" At that, many sheep minions jumped on Talon and started to bite him with their stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron teeth. (A recurring theme, huh?) With the three humanoids dead and the ranch burning to a pulp, the sheep and asparagus left for Kakariko Village.  
  
-----------------OouoO-----------------  
  
Meanwhile, the UFGAN were leaving Gerudo Valley after destroying Gerudo Fortress. (I would have described this, but I don't know the geography of Gerudo Fortress to do so.) As they left, they saw the cuccos and cats flying out of the Lon Lon Ranch windows.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE?" the penguins asked no one in particular.  
  
"LoOkS lIkE tHe GiAnT aLiEn ShEeP aNd AsPaRaGuS aRe HeRe." The chickens observed.  
  
"DID WE ASK YOU?"  
  
"No, NoT aCtUaLlY."  
  
"THEN WHY'D YOU ANSWER?"  
  
DAMN, YOU PEOPLE/THINGS NEVER STOP FIGHTING!!! SHUT UP AND LET MY FINISH MY STORY!!!  
  
"No! We WiLl NoT lIsTeN tO tHiS cRaP!!!"  
  
REALLY? HMM. THEN YOU WILL DIE!!!!  
  
Suddenly a charged stream of ions, more commonly known as a bolt of lighting, struck ALL the giant alien chickens instantly killing them.  
  
WHO ELSE WANTS SOME?!  
  
The penguins started to back away from the now smoldering pile of ashes and fried chicken (extra crispy). "WE'RE JUST GONNA GO ON OUR WAY NOW…" they said shakily.  
  
DAMN STRAIGHT…  
  
UHEM. As the now one member UFGAN moved toward Lon Lon Ranch, they yelled "FREE EXTRA CRISPY GIANT ALIEN CHICKEN!!! COURTESY OF THE SUDDEN ALL- POWERFUL BOOMING VOICE, MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE AUTHOR!!!" As they said it, Poes of all kinds started to swarm the area. A few slower moving demons caught up and pushed the Poes aside violently and feasted on the now dead giant alien chickens.  
  
On the way to the entrance, they saw some Giant Alien Flying Cows. After a brief scuffle (by brief I mean it lasted 8 Pengonian [the penguins' planet] hours [translated, it's 3 days, 23 hours, 2 minutes and 59.9 seconds]), that involved dismemberment and DEATH, the cows and penguins unified and continued as the AFGAN. (The Allied Federation of Giant Alien Nations.) As they entered Lon Lon Ranch, they were actually startled that this amount of destruction wasn't committed by them. They surveyed the scene in front of them and located the corpses of Talon and Ingo.  
  
"The bite radius on this boody (body) make it apparent that this was committed by the giant alien sheep." The head cow said with absolute fact.  
  
"WAIT. WASN'T THERE A THIRD HUMANOID PERSON HERE?" The penguins and cows searched through the still burning rubble and found an unburned section of the stable. "HERE IT IS." They noticed many red welts on the body, consistent with the bites of the two others. However, the lower abdomen section of the body was swollen. (Again, interpret that as you wish.)  
  
They left the stable and finally found a clue to where they had gone. They saw a set of footprints leaving the ranch in the direction of Kakariko Village. Upon closer inspection, they saw a jumble of footprints around the sheep's and assumed that the asparagus were there too.  
  
Farther down the path, they saw humanoid footprints followed by gallons (yes, gallons) of blood. They saw a small army of Hyrulian soldiers with their innards spread out, heads lying 10 feet from their respective bodies, and the same bite marks along the groin area.  
  
The UFGAN was horrified at the sight, but they continued on. They made a silent vow that they would end this plague known as the UFOGASA. (The United Federation Of Giant Alien Sheep And Asparagus.)  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
End of Chapter IV  
  
Remember to review. This is the longest chapter. 


	6. Chapter V: Kakariko Village and Zora's D...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Legend of Zelda series. I own the story line and the giant alien creatures.  
  
A/N: This is chapter 5. Thank you to the 9 of you that reviewed. Thanx for any ideas regarding the end of this.  
  
A note I should've mentioned: This takes place during Ocarina of Time, when Link is an adult. Ganon had been defeated, but the Re-Deads had not yet left the Castle Town.  
  
1 The Day the AFGAN Tried to Take Over Hyrule  
  
1.1 Chapter V: Kakariko Village  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT, DAMN YOU!!!" yelled the guy who lives in Impa's house and says it's his house and calls you an idiot for no particular reason. The Giant Alien Dancing Hamsters ripped through his flesh and bone like he was a rag doll. "YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!" he yelled as he slipped painfully into the fire-pit know as hell.  
  
This was happening as some of the giant alien pandas and squirrels had their way with the cuccos and the chicken lady. ("SQUAKSQUAKSQUAKSQUAK!!!" "Let me go!! What're you gonna do with that?! HEY! HEY! Don't do that! You are invading my personal space! Let me go!!! Mmmmph—" the last part of her dialogue was cut off as something was stuffed in her mouth. [Interpret that how you want to,] .)  
  
The man on the blue roof was now on several different roofs. Parts of his head were scattered among the rubble of the burning town. The windmill had been completely destroyed and the man who was in the windmill was now in extreme pain. His music box thing had been shoved (harshly) up his ass. He was lying on the ledge above the well moaning, the speaker of the music box still visible.  
  
The old hag had been sliced, diced, and eaten by the pandas. The dancing hamsters danced on the backs of the two humanoids that laugh too much and act like hyperactive gays deprived of free time. The Skulltula Family (human or skulltula, either way . . .) was being and broiled by the pandas and eaten by the squirrels.  
  
All other forms of life in the town were dead or dieing. One humanoid was missing, however. The missing character was the Bazaar clerk, who had run off with the other carpenter minion. The town burned to the ground as the three species left for Zora's Domain.  
  
~~~  
  
Zora's Domain had un-froze and the race had moved back to it's home. Lord Jabu-Jabu and been found, and was back in its proper place in Zora's Fountain. The Zora's were all off doing other things and weren't at their usual places. Instead of wasting time searching and destroying each Zora methodically and gruesomely, they set two tons of C-4, set a fuse, and ran their sorry hides out of there!  
  
The bombs went off, destroying Zora's Domain completely. The Zora's were blown up completely along with their watery paradise. Chunks of rock, Zora flesh, and blood flew everywhere. The chunks hit everything within range of the blast radius.  
  
The AFGADHPS smiled and turned around. They went into Hyrule field, and came face to face with the AFGAN, and the Giant Alien Sheep and Asparagus  
  
------------------------------  
  
End of Chapter V 


	7. Chapter VI: The Final Battle

A/N: I finally learned some simple HTML, so my fics should look a little better, as in the formatting of text I want expressed and so on.  
  
Disclaimer: Zelda and all things affiliated with said game franchise belong to Nintendo. I am not being paid or receiving payment for this work of fiction.  
  
----  
  
The Day the AFGAN Tried to Take Over Hyrule  
  
Chapter VI: The Final Battle  
  
----  
  
The AFGAN, the giant alien sheep and asparagus, and the giant alien dancing hamsters, pandas, and squirrels were about to clash head-on in the battle to finally decide who was to conquer Hyrule. However, before the battle started, Link showed up with several thousand Hylian soldiers, armed to their teeth.  
  
"SO WE MEET AGAIN," one of the sheep said to one of the Hylian soldiers, who was missing an arm. The soldier looked nervously around and adverted his gaze. He didn't want to look at that sheep.  
  
The battle commenced. The AFGAN, with their stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron gloves, teeth, and ass covers dominated the destruction. The pandas used their extra sharp teeth to rip apart the asparagus, and soon the sheep were without partners. The squirrels were small enough (all these animals are much bigger than normal, but they are the same height in reference to each other) to dart in and out of the others and reek havoc on the penguins' feet. However, the squirrels met their match when they started to attack the sheep. The sheep's heads were close enough to the ground to eat the squirrels fairly easily. The flying cows were a formidable opponent to any species, but the hamsters suffered major loss.  
  
There were spare body parts hanging off what was left of trees, blood spattered on the rock formations, and human bowels were hanging everywhere. (A/N: "Bowels in or bowels out?" –Hannibal Lector, Hannibal) The Hylian army that Link brought with him was no more. Link himself remained; using all the weapons he could get his hands on. Spare stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron gloves, teeth, and, whenever possible, an appropriately sized ass cover. He kicked ass. He killed as many sheep, squirrels, pandas, hamsters, cows, and, (unfortunately), penguins as he could. He was drenched in so much blood, his green tunic looked red.  
  
After a very long fight, a very large and very ominous spaceship descended onto the battlefield. As a ramp lowered and a door opened, out stepped . . . bOsama bin Laden/b!!!  
  
"HAIL THE MASTER!!!" All the giant alien species knelt before Osama.  
  
Osama started to speak, in fractured English, "I come to join the battle."  
  
As the shocked aliens composed themselves, they found that their enemies were kneeling before their master! "Do not be alarmed," Osama explained. "Me send all of you dolts to try to conquer Hyrule, so that I'd get control whether or not one force fails."  
  
"Clever plan, but I don't care!" Link screamed out.  
  
"Yeah, me neither," said some of the alien minions. "We've had enough. We don't want to fight any more." The minions backed off, forming a circle around Link, Osama, and the leaders of the respective groups.  
  
SPLAT! SCREECH! BOOM!!!  
  
All the leaders collided, with their respective weapons, aiming to kill each other. Throughout the course of the battle, the alliances between the AFGAN and otherwise, broke up. They were all on their own.  
  
The penguin leader had a stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron glove leveled at a perfect angle to decapitate Link. Link had his Biggoron sword at Osama's throat, who had a gun at the sheep's head. The sheep had the squirrel's neck between his teeth, and the squirrel had his tail around the panda's neck, strangling him. The panda had his stainless steel, diamond coated, cast iron claws at the cow's neck, and the hamster was being slowly bitten in half by the cow. The hamster was clawing his way through the penguin's skull, and was about to liquefy the penguin's brain, when suddenly . . .  
  
------------------------------  
  
End of Chapter VI  
  
------------------------------  
  
Here's a recap of the situation so far:  
  
Each person/thing has the other in a deathly bad situation:  
  
PenguinLinkOsamasheepsquirrelpandacowhamsterpenguin  
  
Let's see who wins . . . 


	8. Chapter VII: The Final Battle, Part II

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get this up. I'd been busy with school and stuff. This is the final chapter of the story. The next chapter will be two alternate endings.

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the _Legend of Zelda _video game series and _Star Trek: The Next Generation_. I do own the plot line and the Giant alien Creatures.

The Day the AFGAN Tried to Take Over Hyrule 

Chapter VII: The Final Battle, Part II

_"Fire."_

"Report."

"Entering the system now, sir" Riker replied. 

"Slow to impulse power." Picard turned from the star field on the main viewer and turned to Data, who was at Opps(sp?). "Life signs on our destination?"

"A few hundred humanoid species, most of which dying. Also, I am reading several life forms that resemble Earth species clustered in one area. Oh, and sir, I am reading one vague human life reading," Data concluded, turning around in his chair to get a better view of his captain. As he did, he say an uneasy silence had befallen the bridge crew.

"Vague? Explain."

Data turned back to his console and started pushing buttons rapidly. "I am sorry sir, but I cannot get accurate readings at this distance."

"Thank you," Picard said and turned from Data. He motioned to Riker to follow him into his ready-room, which was just off the bridge.

--------

Picard, looking worried, turned to Riker and said, "If Data's right, we're too late. I'm going to contact StarFleet, get their advice in the matter."

Riker agreed and left the room. Picard had finished his report to StarFleet when Worf's voice came over the comm., "Captain, we are in orbit around the planet."

"I'm on my way," The captain replied. Picard left the ready-room for the bridge.

--------

"Getting any better readings, mister Data?" Picard asked.

"No sir. There is a dampening field in affect around the planet, which lets up get little more than identification of species." Data replied.

"So what are we up against?"

"As I said before, there are numerous humanoid readings, one human life reading, and scattered readings that resemble Earth species, but highly evolved. There are penguins, pandas, hamsters, cows, sheep, and squirrels."

Before Picard could respond, Worf cut in, "Incoming message from StarFleet, Captain."

"In my ready-room," Picard said.

--------

"There's no need to tell you the importance of this situation, captain," Admiral Nakamura said over the sub-space channel. 'If these creatures are not controlled, it could be a threat equal to that of the Borg."

"What do you advise?" Picard asked.

"Is it possible to beam the Hylians from the surface?" the admiral asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. The dampening field won't let us get a positive lock."

The admiral look sorrowful as he gave his order, "Destroy the life forms. Including the Hylians. They knew what they were getting into. Use your quantum torpedoes. End this as cleanly as possible. I'm sorry to put this one you, Jean-Luc, but it must be done. Nakamura out." And the screen faded to the StarFleet insignia.

"Commander Riker to my ready-room," Picard said through the comm. Riker walked in and the Captain continued, "We are to destroy all life on the planet. Inform the bridge crew." Riker left.

Picard got up and followed him, after a thoughtful pause.

--------

"Lock quantum torpedoes on the planet. Use firing plan Alpha-7253," Riker said to Worf as Picard walked on the bridge. 

All eyes were on Picard as he said, "Fire."

The torpedoes streaked from the underside of the _Enterprise-E_ and entered the atmosphere of the planet. Picard watched on the main viewer as the torpedoes impacted on the surface, causing fireballs to erupt from a grassy plain, and the atmosphere filled with bits of dust and rock. As the explosions settled, he turned to Data, "Status of the dampening field?"

"It is gone, sir, along with everything living with in sensor rage on the planet," Data reported.

Picard left the bridge saying to Riker, "You have the bridge, number one."

"Set course for Starbase 564, warp 7," Riker said to Data. "Engage." The _Enterprise-E_ turned away from the planet and entered warp with a flash of light, leaving a demolished planet in her wake . . . 

~~~~~~~~~

All the creatures look up, and saw numerous blue balls of light speeding toward them from the heavens.

"Oh, shit!" Link yelled as the quantum torpedoes impacted on the earth beneath his feat. The first explosion was followed immediately by another, and another. The ground, and everything else, was being ripped apart by the barrage. Hyrule Castle, Lake Hylia, all the places the Hylians knew and loved was being demolished by this attack from the skies. Then it all stopped, as suddenly as it began. But there was nothing left. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Any rubble that survived the incinerating blasts was scattered over the remaining remains of the creatures. Hyrule was a wasteland. Nothing alive could be seen. The sky was red, from all the dirt and rubble that had been thrown into the atmosphere. Hyrule was no more.

~~~~~~~~~

The king of Hyrule was looking at the battle in the field when something in the heavens caught his eye. He saw the quantum torpedoes streak the sky, leaving burned ions in their wake. "So it has begun," he said, and turned from the window as the first torpedo hit the planet, and started the chain reaction that destroyed all life on the planet.

~~~~~~~~~

"They are leaving orbit, sir."

"Drop the cloaking shield." A starship shimmered and appeared, over the same planet that moments before had held a deadly fireball in it's midst. "Deploy a landing party," The captain barked.

~~~~~~~~~

The giant alien flying whales landed on the planet, saw the destruction, did what whales do in place of shrugging, and planted a flag with their insignia in the dead earth, claiming this plant in the name of the GAWU (the Giant Alien Whale Union).

~~~~~~~~~

As the GAWU ship cloaked again and left orbit, a furry hand resembling a panda's burst from underneath the rubble. A second had thrusted from beneath the in-organic mush, but this one looked like a penguin's fin . . . 

~~~~~~~~~

Millennia later, the United Federation of Planets and the GAWU had passed for more empires; a thriving city-planet had arisen from the ashes that had been a planet called Hyrule. The metropolis was inhabited by Pandguins, the result of crossbred penguins and pandas. They were flourishing. 

--------------------------------

End of Chapter VII

Well, that's it. That's the story following the AFGAN and others. The next chapter will be alternate endings.


End file.
